Information & Resources

Resiliency Story 1

One definition of Resiliency is a quality in objects to hold or recover their shape; or in people, to stay intact. It is a kind of strength. I’m not sure if I truly stayed intact or held or retained my shape because we all change. Time and life experience flows around us like an endless river on a rock which takes our rough edges of youth and makes us smooth and perfect as we age.

Galileo, in the early 1600’s stated “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him discover it in himself”. Living with AIDS I have learned as old friends pass away, new friends appear. There is a similarity to days, months and years as they come and go but what is important to me is to make it meaningful – a meaningful friend or a meaningful day.

[In] 1984 when I became poz [tested positive for HIV] [it] was a crazy time. We didn’t have any medications back then. Essentially the doctors told you to get your affairs in order because you were as good as dead. Three years was what I was told to expect. Striving to find answers because no one knew any, then I joined MACAIDS (Metro Area Community on AIDS) the first group in Nova Scotia. It would be the beginning of my search for answers and volunteerism with AIDS groups which continues today three decades later.

I also discovered over those first 10 or so years I was much stronger than anyone gave me credit for – I learned having a goal and hope and striving for what I thought was right were key components in keeping me focused on living. For sure there were painful moments, betrayals and reality checks along the way but giving up never entered my mind. I used my art as an escape painting and drawing but I think the most revealing about my state of mind is a journal I kept over those first ten years. In rereading those old entries I can see my anger, my hurts and amazement at some.

In the mid 90s I refocused and ended up exploring my passion for art and my sense of spirituality. As a side effect of listening to families and friends -holding people’s hands over the years as they died from AIDS I recognized a deep spiritual connection we all have. After six years of study, I started a new journey as an Ordained Minister - a minister who is gay and open about being poz. It’s now another 5 years since that time and things are still evolving changing, and yes, I have even more dreams and goals to achieve.

Because my intent is on having a meaningful life then the following is true for me: “Success is a journey not a destination. The doing is usually more important than the outcome.”

Resiliency Story 2

I arrived at the AIDS Coalition with my luggage in hands, feeling scared, anxious and uncertain. I was immediately connected with the Support Services Program that day. Here I had a safe space to come and let out all my pain, sadness and frustration. I was facing many challenges; I had to find housing, access to healthcare while being new in Nova Scotia and food. I accessed the shelter system until I was able to get housing support. As a person living with HIV and an openly gay man, it is very scary for me to access services of any kind. I was uncertain about who would find out about my status or who I was, how I would keep my medications safe and the discrimination I might face.

During this time, I experienced my breaking point. I didn’t know how much longer I could take it.  After a counselling session at ACNS [AIDS Coalition of Nova Scotia], I gained the support to feel the strength and courage to succeed in my journey. Getting secure stable housing takes time, patience and perseverance. After help form ACNS to work with a housing support organization and community services I was able to secure my apartment in the spring. Along with secure housing came food support, connection to the HIV clinic and a safe space. Living with HIV requires daily medication that you have to take on time, ongoing mental health supports and healthy communication; I was able to refocus on my health and wellness.

My role with the AIDS Coalition [of Nova Scotia] has changed over the past year. I have become an active volunteer at fundraisers and helped with workshops on resilience and prevention campaigns. I have been able to access other programs of the AIDS Coalition such as the Nova Scotia Knowledge Exchange and Health Promotion Forum education conference, support groups and the Positive Living Program. All of these programs have given me the skills to be an advocate for my own health and for other people living with HIV. Personally, I have also continued on another journey towards speaking out and political activism.

Although I’m doing well there are still daily challenges. These programs are important to each individual member’s needs and challenges. Without these supports people living with HIV might have no one to talk to or a place to turn for help. All of these supports are necessary to build healthy communities and to help me build support in my life.

Resiliency Story 3

Being diagnosed 3 years ago with HIV was one of the hardest things I have ever had to encounter. Not only did I feel it wrecked my life, I was fearful it was going to wreck the lives of those who were, and still are, close to me. We all encounter trials and tribulations in our lives and sometimes things don't seem as though they will ever clear or get better. I am living proof that problems are only temporary and with a bit of resilience we can carry on.

I knew I had to take control of my thinking in order to turn my life around. Every day that I wake up is a good day. My partner taught me to always look for a positive in each and every day. Although some days I have to look a bit longer I eventually find something to be positive about; whether it is something as small as a simple smile or something a bit bigger like making someone else smile.

Resilience - wow, what an interesting word. Resilience is often defined as springing, bouncing or jumping back to an original state. To me, I like to think it means to spring ahead. I didn’t go back to where I was. I went forward. Rather than being the elastic in a sling shot that simply springs back into place, I feel like the rock that was shot out ahead. People tell me that I seem more loving, understanding, compassionate and less afraid than I have ever been.

One of the things you need emotionally is a good support group; people to be strong for you when you are weak. I was fortunate to have family and friends to encourage me but that isn’t always the case. Some family members will make it all about them and things will never be the same. If this happens you need to look to a broader circle and find people who will support you; even better, find someone you can support in their trials and your support will come.

My thought process is different now. I am thankful in many ways that my life was changed by HIV. I meet great people every day and see great progress in educating others.

Resiliency Story 4

This is my own personal story about living with HIV/AIDS. I was diagnosed in 1987 and I thought my world and life was over. I was married at the time and was a father of two children, which seemed to make it so much more difficult for me. I was told to consider issues such as a will, insurance and end of life decisions.

I waited, waited and waited some more until the days became so long and the days grew darker and darker. I had to decide whether I was going to give in to this dreaded death sentence I received or was I going to stand up dust myself off and move forward. I chose moving forward and to return to the living, however returning to the living came with many challenges, such as dealing with medication, toxicity, feeling tired all the time and watching your friends and members of my community pass away. I often thought they were the lucky ones, moving on to another place, wherever that place might be…heaven or hell or someplace in between. I have stopped counting the numbers of deaths and the number of visits to friends who were in the later stage of their lives, wasting away, ravished by this dreaded virus.
I decided to bounce back by giving back to my community and therefore giving back to myself and by doing so teaching my children to have a sense of humanity and giving back, as well as never giving up. Being resilient is being able to bounce back and face those challenges that are the most frightening. I feel I have done just that, by starting a local group that has grown and has meaning. I have fought many battles and have faced many demons from childhood sexual abuse, the guilt and shame of being gay, the guilt and shame of getting infected, fighting the government for equality for all, championing the HIV cause and yes I am still here…waiting patiently for my time to come, but waiting in a much more calm state of mind.

I feel my strength comes from the many people in my life who have inspired me and encouraged me to never give up…my Mother, the Mother of my children, my two children and my partner. They all give me passion. I also owe a great deal to those working in the community-based HIV/AIDS field for telling me I could make a difference not only in my own life, but the lives of others.

Resiliency Story 5

When I first started working at a community-based HIV/AIDS organization, I really had no idea what I was setting myself up for.

I completed a student placement and really considered it a done deal when finished, but after working with so many individuals who were vulnerable and marginalized…something clicked inside of me and I came so very close to feeling their pain, without really being in pain.

I commenced employment roughly five years ago and I feel I have learned so much about providing services, being a good listener, being a mother and being a grandmother. I had no real idea of what people were feeling or needing, but just started thinking…what if this was my child, what would I do, how could I help, how could I provide support.

Resiliency is being able to bounce back to reality after providing service, handing out educational material, sharing a story or just listening…and being able to cry about it later and then get ready to face the next day.

The new day always brings with it new challenges, new people in need and the strength to face their challenges through their eyes and their lives. The next day involves addressing new policies outlining the work being done and if I am following the rules.

In today’s environment and political climate regarding integration, organizational structure and their employees, you need to be resilient and adaptable to survive and keep up with the changing landscape and concerns of those populations we serve.